the last year has been difficult for me due to other areas of my life pulling attention away from my kenpo adventures. last september i took a pastorate position an hour away from my home in addition to my regular full-time job. it was a challenge to work about 80 hours a week and still stay focused on kenpo.
then i started dealing with some health issues that needed to be ironed out and it didn’t allow me to get in and “bang” the way i had become accustomed. it also slowed down how much kenpo i could do without putting undo stress on myself.
i had surgery in july to fix the issues and recovery is still ongoing, but with clearance from my doctor, i was able to don the gi and belt and take to the mat. so yesterday i was back in the dojo and working techniques. it felt good. rusty, but good.
i was amused to see the last three months off due to surgery and recovery didn’t clear my mind much, though. i had plenty of opportunities to hear my instructor, Mr Jenkins, tell us what to do only to (re)discover my body hears, but does not obey.
“the jab comes in and you pat it down. when the cross comes in, parry the punch while moving up the circle and follow it with a backfist with the other hand to the bicep.”
and like a stumbling rhino i don’t do anything remotely close to that. it’s as if i had never used these long stick things hanging from my shoulders before. i think they’re called arms. i’d like to say their faulty, but i think it was my sub-processor that was having the problems. it reminded me of my early days in kenpo when i was continually being told …
“no, your other left.”
my goal is to be that student that hears, anxiously absorbs, and repeats the given instruction. but i think i inadvertently find myself being a source of amusement to my instructor. that’s not my intent, but the result, nevertheless. it does help in keeping a humble spirit while attempting to learn.
it makes me laugh to realize my pledge for my next rank includes the line, “… to learn the skills of a teacher which will enable me to teach my skills … ,” but my skills, by my own opinion, are junked-up. my skills. MY skills. HA!
i found the picture on the left and it just seemed to encapsulate how i think Mr Parker would look from heaven as he’s watching me attempt to learn his art — amused.
but i am learning. i realize that. it may take me longer to recognize my left from my right. it might be some additional weeks before i understand what some terms mean not just in my mind, but my body’s reaction to the instruction. it might take me months longer than most to attain my next belt. but i persevere. if anything, to prove to myself that i can do this. i can learn.
it was a good night. it felt like old times. good to bang on my fellow students and to be banged on. this morning wasn’t too bad. a twinge here and there, but not enough to reach for the kenpo kandy. i’m sure next week will be much different.
but i’m back!!
— chunky ninja
i’m not sure how true that is, but i do know that i’ve got “black and blue” down pat. just give me a good KG session or a typical kenpo class, or even a sparring session in mckinney and i can prove that black and blue comes very easy to me.
a few weeks ago we tested and i advanced from purple to blue. it felt strange. i remember the days not too long ago where i was “duped” into coming to class, stayed for a few weeks and then began to realize just how incredible those yellow belts were. “someday,” i thought to myself, “i’ll be good enough to get my yellow belt.” then i did and i began admiring the talented skills being demonstrated by those who had already attained their orange belt.
granted, it helped that we only had a couple of brown belts in class then a huge gap down to the orange. so looking at the brown belts was like looking at someone other than my instructor who also had been in the art for ‘decades’.
now i’m at blue and beginning to work on my green. i still feel like a newbie. and i guess that’s the beauty of this art because i’ve heard the same thing from my own instructor (a 5th degree black) … “this is an ever learning art and we’re all students”. i grow more amazed at this art with every class or KG session.
my daughter recently left for college, but before she left for college i forced her to take a few weeks of kenpo just to gain some knowledge of self defense. i wish she would have taken more, but i was thankful for the few weeks she did participate.
she ended her few weeks with some sparring and surprised herself more than anyone else. she started so timid, but there’s a tiger under there waiting to pounce if you tick her off. hopefully no one will.
and now some spiritual humor at the result of my daughter at a baptist college …
This was posted from FaceBook:
kelcy to her friends upon hearing someone trying to play music using an iphone – “when did God start playing music on a crappy iphone?”
kelcy – Was definitely not the music. It twas the akward surround sound buzzing
they didn’t get it. i hope you did.
me – i later added – i could have taken it a step further and talked about how the “apple” caused man to sin and God redeemed us and didn’t want to have to go through that again with His phone. or that the “apple” industry was created by a man God bragged about (Job(s)). but that would have taken it even deeper.
here’s a picture taken with my baby girl at her last class:
– chunky ninja
CHUNKY NINJA turns two today. it’s been a fun two years of blogging and seeing just how goofy it is for an old, fat guy to try to learn a martial art. i’m sure the blog has amused a few, but not near as many as those who have actually seen my version of the “art”. i’m sure somewhere up above Mr Parker is slowly shaking his head and saying to the angels, “that’s not quite how i had intended American Kenpo to look … bless his heart.”
so what’s happened during the two years? well, let’s take a brief look …
when i started this blog i was preparing for my yellow belt test. just a couple of weeks before that yellow belt test the famed Kenpo Garage began. my classmate and KG cohort, Vince, asked if i wanted/needed to do some extra work outs prepping for the belt test. he was being kind because he knew i needed help. probably more than even he could supply, but he was willing to take on the challenge and see if there was any hope for me. he quickly discovered there wasn’t, but didn’t give up on me either.
i somehow earned my yellow belt it in spite of my deathly fear of having to spar. when i finally tested my instructor toyed with me like i was a four-year old on the mat reminding me time and again that my hands were down (yes, i still remember the kicks to the head). that was the first time i heard him say, “my feets loves hair.” that’s funny if you’re watching it or hearing it. but i was on the receiving end, though. it’s funny now, but i felt completely silly then.
i’ve gone from bull-rushing everyone in sparring (ironic that i hate sparring and yet rush in to get my brains beat in) to learning to stay back, pace myself, and pick my spots. my kicks were described as tragically sucking. they’ve been upgraded to bad and now to “not pretty, but useful”. trust me, those are improvements.
over the last 18 months i’ve met lots of great people involved in Kenpo including Mr John Sepulveda, Mr Tommy Burks, Mr Damien Wilson, Mr John Guzman, Ms Oscar Steele, and Mr Sam Bowley. there are many more, but those were the ones that stand out in my mind as having taken some time to teach and help me learn this great art.
and lastly, during the last two years i’ve proceeded from white belt to yellow to orange to purple and finally to blue (last night’s promotion). each level challenges me both mentally and physically. i haven’t lost much weight since i very first began kenpo, but where i’ve lost fat i’ve gained muscle. i’m more solid with some fluffy (viking fat, as vince calls it).
with each class, i feel my age more and more. i’m closing in on my 48th birthday. having never done any martial art training before in my life and then starting at 45 i’d say i’m doing pretty good for myself.
if you’re new to my blog, let me encourage you to go back into the archives and pull out some random posts. a couple of great blogs to read would be the kenpo garage and ketchup, please, both from September 2011. yes, i was that bad. i’ve try to be realistic with myself and keep it lighthearted along the way.
i’m hoping the next year of chunky ninja’s obtuse corner of the interweb is still entertaining the masses while demonstrating a continual progression of improvement for those who never give up on a dream.
— chunky ninja
i don’t know how he does it, but my instructor, mr jenkins, must have stiletto elbows. i was in class last night and he was having some fun teaching some extensions. obviously this was way past our pay grade, but when the boss man wants to teach us some cool stuff, we’re anxious to learn and try. i say try because i can assure you i don’t remember any of them (or won’t by the time this is published). and sometimes they weren’t true extensions, but merely grafted things that you could do at the end of techniques just for your own amusement.
[side note: i think it’s strange that as we’re learning our techniques we often hear, “you probably won’t be able to finish this technique because the assailant will already be on the ground.” so the extensions are for ??? people on PCP? the zombie apocalypse? an alien invasion (think ‘war of the worlds’, not mexico)?]
anyway, repeatedly he would add in a sharp downward elbow to the sternum. over and over. and then again. today, it hurts to take a deep breath. i swear i felt his elbow slip between a couple or ribs once when the hit was slightly to the left of my sternum. ugh. his elbows are very bony, pointy, and hard. and he uses them very well. so much so that i became more concerned with the elbow than the eye pokes he was adding (because i knew he wouldn’t actually poke my eye, but the elbow was coming regardless).
i remember at one point he said to the class, “let me show you this on a body. rick, c’mere for a moment.” in flash i was doing a step through punch only to be hit several times, spun around and now he’s behind me. i could see the rest of the class watching intently. i was on display for all of them to see. in their eyes i could see amazing wonder at how fluid and quickly he made his strikes. accurately, too. and then i heard him say (from behind me), “and then you arm contours up his spine and you shoot your forearm into the back of his head.” a split second later, his actions mirrored his words.
when i was able to open my eyes i saw their faces again. each one had a painful grimace on their face as if they had just witnessed a bad car wreck. if it were just one face, i wouldn’t be so worried. but it was the entire class. and he wasn’t done yet and i just gritted my teeth and tried to keep from falling (unless that was his intent, but at this moment, it wasn’t).
“you keep the motion going and then we can reverse it. when coming back through we’ll claw the face before mmpphttrrrttss …” ok, i didn’t really catch the end of his sentence. next thing i remember it was over. just as quickly as it started, he finished. i’m on the ground and he’s saying, “thank you, rick.” just like larry tatum.
later in class he was demonstrating some extensions (or more grafted stuff) on a different technique. this one ended with some kicks. the one specific kick i remembered was a ball kick to my left ribs. unfortunately for me his kick was just below the ribs and then up and under the rib cage. i’m only half kidding when i say it felt like his toes tickled my left lung. sharp pain shot through and my eyes flashed WIDE open. the demonstration was done and i limped over to my KG buddy.
“i think he punctured my lung.”
vince smiled, “yeah, i saw that. it looked like it hurt. a lot.” then in a mocking tone came the famous larry tatum line again, “thank you, rick”. haha. very funny. not!
in case you don’t know what is meant by this, you should take a moment to watch the “larry tatum thank you rick” video at the end of this blog. you’ll be able to appreciate the inside joke a bit more. rick gets pummeled repeatedly and at the end of each maneuver mr tatum is always thanking rick for helping him demonstrate. in fairness to mr tatum, he was once ‘rick’ to mr ed parker (that’s mr tatum getting kicked and hit by mr parker on the Black Belt cover).
i’m sure mr parker said, “thank you, larry” on more than one occasion and it’s a lesson mr tatum was happy to pass on to poor, crippled, rick.
so, yeah. you’re welcome. glad i could donate my body to the science of kenpo for the demonstration last night. and today its kenpo-kandy time. all day long.
— chunky ninja
p.s. for the fun of it, here’s the “thank you, rick” video …
the blog title pretty much summed up last night’s class for me. i got there early, stretched, went through a couple of forms and sets to help focus, and recited my sayings to further ingrain them in my mind. you see, i’ve been preparing for a belt test … one that has been hinted at for a several weeks now. i felt ready for whatever the class would bring. BUT instead of a belt test, the test yesterday more resembled an electroencephalograph to which i flat-lined.
we started class with some cardio. maybe that was my problem. somehow i physically exhausted my brain.
then we moved on to some sparring (yea, my favorite [sarcasm freely inserted]). i felt like i was doing pretty good. mr jenkins made some comments that were positive and encouraging, as well as, interjecting some advice along the way. it was a learning session, not a fight for your life (well, that’s how it looks when i do it) session.
then vince and i knocked gloves. he said i was heavy legged. he said i was heavy-handed. he said i lacked control. and on some of those accounts, i think he’s right. in fairness though, he got in a great shot to my ribs that took my breath and landed a solid left hook to my noggin. (psst, i didn’t complain. matter of fact, i told him they were good shots.)
it’s possible that i fight him differently than i do the others in class. either way, i do need to re-evaluate my thoughts, intents, and actions against him and every other opponent. he even called me this morning to thank me for giving him a black eye.
i have this tendency to follow a fighter when they turn away. it’s bad. it’s dirty. i shouldn’t do it. and i’m going to make a conscience effort to quit doing that. but on one of those where he turned his back and moved away, i followed and tapped him in the face when he turned towards me. he said, “dude, i don’t know how you did it, but you pushed my eyelashes into my eye and now i have black eye.” i blame the eyelashes, not my ridiculously bad sparring abilities.
in all seriousness, i did tell him that if i’m kicking too hard to stop the fight. make me verbally acknowledge that i’m hearing what he’s saying. otherwise if done while we’re still going at it my mouth may say, “ok” while brain doesn’t listen. kinda like when you tell your kid to take out the trash while he’s in the middle of watching tv and you get the “ok, in a minute” response knowing full well it didn’t really register.
then we went through some forms and sets. all refresher stuff. that means, in theory, i know the ones we were asked to do. or so i thought. brain-dead. coördination set was the first one that i blanked on. i’d get half way through and just forget where i was at. my focus was gone. i probably needed to be standing in the back sucking a gallon of gatorade. instead, i’m out there looking like a walrus on skates and forcing my fellow purple belt to go through it over and over and over and over because my brain had checked out 20 minutes prior. i felt so bad for him and completely embarrassed for myself.
“let’s work on some of your techniques,” mr jenkins announced.
the technique line was fine as long as he called out which technique he wanted. i performed them relatively well. then he changed it up and announced a type of attack and told us we could do any techniques we wanted or improvise. *sigh* i can’t even begin to tell you how foolish i looked. nothing i did looked like a complete technique, but they all ended up with the attacker on the ground. i would start with a technique and then just grab and sling them to the ground. not good.
i was talking to vince yesterday morning about the upcoming test that we all know is coming. when i was about to test for purple i knew it was coming, but didn’t feel ready for it AT ALL. i felt i needed another month or two. i wasn’t comfortable. i didn’t think i was ready for it, but he tested me anyway and i passed.
now for my blue belt test that is upcoming, i’ve felt ‘ready’ for the last three or four weeks. BUT between the last two week’s classes, i’ve felt completely lost out on the mat and realize i’m not ready. not by a long shot. so now i’m hoping the test is at least another three or four weeks out so i can refocus on what i need to be doing.
it frustrates me when i deal with people who act as if they’re brain-dead. last night, however, the EEG on me was __________________
maybe next time i’ll be a lot more understanding when others have their moments. if not, then i hope someone reminds me of last night’s class. i got a big, heaping dose of humility dumped over the top of my head.
time for me to get back to work.
— chunky ninja
ps … i lost 3.2 pounds during the workout … probably all to be regained today.
three decades without a physical altercation. then came kenpo. i hadn’t planned on it. if you’ve read some of my very early posts, you can see i felt duped into it. but i’m here. i’ve been trying to learn kenpo karate for two-and-a-half years now. it’s not pretty. matter of fact, it’s downright ugly. i’m not good at this sparring thing either. i don’t like doing it, but i’m starting to get more comfortable on the mat even if my skill is only moderately improving.
our class has been working on various sparring drills. like the half-wit dog that you wonder how many beatings he’ll have to take before he learns his lesson, i don the gear and await my punishment. last night was a slice under my right eye. i knew it was coming. i knew exactly the attack: left jab, right cross. i knew i was supposed to pat the jab down and weave the cross, then counter the right cross with a left hook to the face. so jab, pat-down. cross, weave, oops! didn’t move in time. i was nicked under my right eye and the blood trickled.
every few minutes one of the other students in class would say, “hey, did you know your eye is bleeding?”
“um, yeah. i’m a slow, bumbling ox that can’t get out of the way of a known attack. thank you for noticing.” ugh.
but i’m thinking. sometimes in the office i’m thinking about sparring and how i would, could, or should counter an attack while sparring. i have great ideas. i have thought about various situations and how i would want to counter them while applying my own attack. and yet my body doesn’t react when i see it coming.
i’m a dinosaur. i think it takes 15-30 seconds for me to see the attack, and tell my hand to move. by that time, i’m bleeding.
so later during class i’m throwing the combinations. left jab, right cross. i know his counters. he’s going to pat-down the jab, move to my right and come across my jab with a hook. but since i’m inept at that, my instructor makes a change … instead of going over the arm, it’s now a shot to the arm, then a right hook to the liver. so now my job is to drop the elbow to block the ribs before the hook.
ridiculous. i looked absolutely ridiculous trying to get my elbow down in time to block the punch i know is coming. so it gets down there AFTER the shot and my KG buddy taps me with a left hook to my pumpkin for added effect. thanks, vince, for reminding me how slow i am.
i’m not good at this. i’m too slow. i’m too old. i’m too out of shape.
and yet i don’t quit. it’s like when you know you’re losing a grappling session, but you just won’t give up until you’ve tapped out. it’s like that. i don’t know how to just quit. so i continue pushing myself until i’m too exhausted to continue on.
allegedly, and i use that word very loosely, i’ve improved. my buddy and cohort no longer tells me my kicks suck. now they’re just not that good. believe it or not, that’s an improvement.
i recently sparred my six-foot, 17-year-old athletic nephew with vince there to observe. his response after watching us? “dude, you’re getting better.” compliments don’t flow from him easily, so i take every one of them like a cherished piece of cheesecake from my favorite deli in NYC.
i’m careful not to let them go to my head. i realize that i’ll never be chuck norris, john sepulveda, david jenkins, or even vince siller. but i do want to be better than the idiot that thinks he can bully or victimize someone in my family if not me personally. i will want to show him how hard my elbow can hit his face or how painful my not-so-good kicks feel when his knee snaps backwards.
i’m working hard on developing the skills of a blue belt in kenpo. i know i can hit with power without trying (thanks to my “viking fat”). but i need to refine my abilities to not just be able to dish it out, but to defend myself. a charging bull can be dropped with a parry and a sword. defense is required.
a few minor tweaks last night for my techniques and now further refinement. i like the insight i receive from my instructor. i’m better for it. my movements, strikes, checks are all better for it. i can tell the difference. i can see the difference. and those that went through the technique line felt the difference.
i will not give up. and that itself is a victory.
— chunky ninja
the end of last year and the first quarter of 2013 has been busy. it seems life never really slows down and just keeping up becomes a chore. i’ve continued my trek towards becoming the next jackie chan — well, apart from being in shape, knocking the USA, and being able to perform anything that looks remotely close to karate. so what does that leave? comedy. and if you’ve seen me on the mat, i’m sure your time would be filled with raucous laughter.
but i’ve been continuing my pursuit to learn the art of kenpo. a couple of weeks ago i attended my first kenpo karate camp (or should i say, “kamp”?). i was a bit intimidated. i was not the lowest ranked belt there, but i did come in the bottom three and then about 25 brown and black belts. my buddy vince was there, so i had someone to pair up when working techniques (more on that later).
the head of our association, mr john sepulveda, was in town. this was my first chance to meet him and i was not disappointed in the least. he completely lived up to the hype and then some. i’m pretty much in awe of my own instructor and his abilities. my instructor feels the same about mr sepulveda; with good reason. the man knows his stuff. but beyond that, he’s personable, likeable, and impressed me with his ability to captivate and teach. i was impressed during lunch as he sat and ate with some of the lower belts and just told stories of his life in kenpo. it was very, very cool. i didn’t say much. i was too busy trying to make sure i didn’t make a complete fool of myself. no need embarrassing myself or my instructor.
mr tommy burks was there as an instructor also. mr burks is my instructor’s instructor. i’ve had the opportunity to work with him a couple of times at his dojo. he’s what some would call ‘nit-picky’. truth be told, he just sees how some are sloppy with their art … even some of the upper ranks. and it bothers him (as it bothered mr parker). below is a story i’ve heard of mr parker sending out one of his black belts to teach at a karate seminar for upper belts:
the black belt asked him what they should teach and mr parker said, “start with the basics … work their stances”.
“but mr parker, this is a seminar with all black belts,” she replied.
“you’ll see what i mean when you get there,” said mr parker. she did. he was right.
well, mr burks is kind of like that. and i like that about him. sure it gets tiring working on the exact same thing for an hour, but at the end of that hour, you’ll be hard pressed to forget the lesson that has just been ingrained.since i had last seen mr burks, he has been promoted to 8th degree black. he seemed to be very relaxed and enjoying himself. while he was teaching i noticed he was smiling at vince and i a couple of times while we worked our techniques. (i told you my version of kenpo brings smiles and chuckles to people, even mr burks). but my instructor, mr jenkins, said mr burks was impressed with his [mr jenkins] students (which means me!). it may be one of the coolest feelings to have your karate instructor be proud of your growth as a student. i always tried to convey that to my players when i used to coach baseball. now i’m on the flip side of it and i can’t begin to tell you how that makes me feel. only those who’ve experienced it can understand.
i’m anxious for future camps. i feel like i learned so much and yet it made me realize just how much more there is to learn. the art seems endless which may explain why my instructor always considers himself a student.
mr hazelwood, a 5th degree from the colleyville school was the other instructor during the camp. he had us working on several drills and then moving from those drills into techniques. while i couldn’t attend the entire camp (missed the sunday portion), i was really impressed with the instructors and fellow students.sunday after the final camp class completed, vince called to tell me some of the upper black belts were wondering where his “bruiser buddy” was and he told them i was at church. for some reason, we earned some recognition because we were “banging on each other pretty good!” so while i was watching all the black belts, it seems they were a bit surprised/impressed on what vince and i were doing (at our belt levels). vince was told, “you guys were going at it pretty good” and “you guys were showing a lot of power”. for vince and i, we weren’t doing anything different than we do at our school and KG.
after i heard what they had to say, i remembered mr burks smiles. man, it just makes me feel good! i first met him when i was a white belt. so i have improved.
after my day at camp was over, i was toast. in some of the hardest classes i’ve attended with my school, i come home drenched in sweat, physically wore out, and in desperate need of some kenpo kandy (ibuprofen or other pain ‘chillers’). those are two hour classes. my camp day was an all day even with seven hours of that same intensity. i was sore for two days with meds in my system. but it was so worth it. i’m anxious for the next camp.
~ * ~ * ~
i’ve continued on with KG (kenpo garage for anyone new to this blog). it’s something vince and i started nearly two years ago to supplement our thursday classes. the extra workouts are also for two hours and we continue to work on our techniques, sets, and forms. sometimes we’ll add some drills just to mix things up a bit. while it started with just vince and i, we periodically see others join in.
i don’t have much more to add for now, but it had been a quarter of a year since i had given any updates. this one was over due.
— chunky ninja
in my last post i talked about being called VIKING FAT and how we had a belt test coming up soon. then that very night i tested for my purple belt. the minnesota vikings wear purple, but i wasn’t even thinking about that when i wrote the blog. someone else had called me viking fat and i was relaying that detail. i am not a viking’s fan. i refuse to disclose my NFL allegiance, but it isn’t the vikings.
on the tuesday night prior to my belt test, we met with our instructor. it was our whole KG group (ok, there’s only three of us, but it sounds bigger and more official when you call it a group). our instructor, Mr Jenkins, had said we were getting close to being ready to test and wanted to work with us a little bit. first he worked with john and vince (my KG cohorts) as they’re learning blue belt techniques and the appropriate forms and sets that come with it. i stood by and absorbed the knowledge being shown and taught.
then came my turn to show the techniques i’ve been working on. mr jenkins still had the blue belt techniques in mind and asked me to show him twin kimono. i smiled at john, who was going to dummy for me on the first technique, and started going through it. half way through i turned and smiled at my instructor and asked if he wanted me to finish this blue belt technique or do the purple belt ones instead. being the KG boys’ spotter (formerly called ‘dummy’) has given me immense benefits. i’m able to learn my techniques faster because i already know where the pain is being inflicted from all the months of practice with them. mr jenkins laughed and said i’d better do the purple techniques instead. so i went through them all.
vince told me after our session that i was rocking and rolling. “dude, you’re clicking on your kenpo. there was a time when your feet and hits weren’t always in sync. you could tell you were still learning and having to think about your moves. but tonight, something seemed to click in your brain and you were rocking through them. they all looked solid.” from vince, that’s a great comment. but he wasn’t done.
“you’re a big dude and can put a hurting on someone just because you’ve got a lot of back up mass [aka viking fat]. but when you’re kenpo started clicking it’s like …” he paused for a moment. “you used to hit like a semi-truck. but then your kenpo started clicking in your brain and now you’re rocking through them, it’s more like being hit by a freight train. you don’t even have to try for power, it’s already there.”
thursday’s class found me going through all the steps for testing. my short form 2 was a little sloppy in my opinion, but i guess it was good enough for promotion. stance set and coördination set were solid. i had my sayings and pledge down. the only thing left was the sparring.
i still hate sparring. but i have made conscious efforts to improve — and was told it showed. i’m trying not to charge in all the time. i’m working diligently on being patient and staying back. my defense still has a long way to go. i continually discuss how my reflexes seem slow, but there IS improvement. i worked combos and continued to pace myself and pick specific moments to move in or out. my wind was better and i rebounded from each sparring match quicker than i have in the past. the last fight i had was with my pastor. he made me work. i was able to land a few punches and kicks.
at the end of class i was told to kneel and was handed my purple belt. i had such a feeling of satisfaction for what i had accomplished and an awe of how much more there is still to learn. the longer i’m in this art, the more i appreciate the vastness of the knowledge and the beauty of its complexity.
now on to my blue belt techniques, form, set, pledge, and sayings. i’m anxious.
special thanks to vince, john, and especially to mr jenkins of whom i can proudly call my instructor, pastor, and friend.
— chunky ninja
during this last year you’ve shared my path from white to yellow to orange and now working on purple. you’ve read how bad my kicks are and how ridiculously silly i am at sparring. hopefully you’ve been amused at various classroom narratives from my own unique perspective. you’ve seen glimpses into my relationships with my friends and family. many of you were encouraging when my son passed away 11 months ago. we’ve been through a lot over the last year here at the chunky ninja blog stop.
in this past year we’ve had over 1,100 visits. that’s not much, but then again, i’m not advertising or doing anything extra to get word out. partly because i’m often as embarrassed of my writing as i am of my “proficiency” in kenpo. though i know both are improving.
there aren’t many that have actually subscribed to this site, but those who visit return often to see if anything is new.
a year ago i started kenpo garage and have documented much of my awkward bumblings over the months. these are my extra work outs away from class. it was just vince (dude, your kicks suck) in the beginning, but john (it’s all good, bro) joined a few months later. we get together a couple of times a week aside from our class just to help learn and tweak our techniques. each session is about two hours long. sometimes the techniques seem brutal and other times the weather does. but we haven’t quit and i can personally attest to the extra workouts helping me improve.
during the last year i wrote 43 blogs and have had people from 28 different countries stop in for a visit. that means my blog is internationally known! ok, that’s a stretch, but it’s technically true.
since no one is jumping up to stop me, i’m assuming you all want to have some more boring details. so here are some stats!
i was really torn on this. there are two blogs that i really, really liked. the first is Ketchup Please from september of last year. the other was Woolly Bully from february ’12. if you missed these, i would recommend them for their amusement quality. they did, after all, make me giggle.
i had several that stood out to me, but the one that seems to epitomize my learning process comes from Mid-Month Review Is Late published in december ’11:
Mr Bowley was very gracious and complementary. he even maintained a straight face when i told him, “but i AM trying” when i was in serious battle [sparring] against his nine-year-old, junior green belt, daughter.
to close this blog post, i want to say a thank you to all who have stumbled across this blog and have been faithful readers. this site is for my own enjoyment and historical tracking of my foolish adventures into American Kenpo. the fact that you continue to come back confirms its either entertaining or you’re just a sick, sadistic individual who enjoys watching me hurt myself in a wide variety of ways. 🙂
also a special thank you to my instructor and pastor, Mr David Jenkins; my friend and sparring “nemesis”, Mr Sam Bowley; my KG cohorts, Vince and John; and to my beautiful wife who is an extraordinary fighter in her own right with her sarcastic jabs and witty punches.
— chunky ninja
there’s an old saying: jack of all trades and master of none. i have in NO WAY mastered anything. heck, i even have problems putting on my underwear in the morning (one leg into each of the holes, duh!). but at last night’s Kenpo Garage, we had a couple of white belts from our kenpo class show up. my sister was one of them and she’s been to a half-dozen classes. my 16-year-old nephew was the other and he’s been to one class.
but there i was teaching them some of the basics. foundational stuff. things like proper stance, practicing techniques slow and correct, and how to dummy when someone is doing a technique on them. ok, i have mastered the art of being a dummy. but that’s about it.
while teaching and watching, it reminded me that i was just like them 19 months ago. anxious, clumsy, and eager to learn. only i was probably a lot more awkward than them. yes, i was that goofy. but like john (one of my KG cohorts) and i told them, “we all start there.”
no one is immune to the bafoon-ery of being a first time practitioner of a martial art. some will grasp it quick and look like a pro their second class. but the vast majority will take months or years before things start to ‘click’. i’d like to get mine down to years, but right now i’m on the decade-and-a-half plan.
martial artist: a person who has achieved a proficiency and skill in any of several arts of combat and self-defense (as karate and judo) that are widely practiced as sport.
nineteen months, 44 techniques (haven’t tested for the latest 16 of those, though), a couple of sets, and now learning my third form. so here i am, nearly 47 and trying to become a martial artist. unfortunately for me, my “art” still has a lot of glue and macaroni. i’m not quite a picasso with my hands or feet yet. but i am getting there.
hours before KG my sister went out to eat lunch with my wife and i right after church. when we got home from the restaurant we stood in the driveway and talked about how our pastor/instructor has said repeatedly that he’s always more concerned with the white and yellow belts because they lack control. that was the topic. i’ve known for quite a while that i had very little control, but i’ve also noticed over the last three or four months that i’m developing it. i know, i’m as stunned as you, but it’s true!
anyway, we’re talking and my wife is standing there listening. as i’m trying to explain what i mean by control to my sister, i did one of the stupidest things i’ve ever done in my life. i demonstrated.
i can hear you now, “no, rick, please tell me you didn’t … ” i could tell you that, but i’d be lying. i did it. here’s how it went. i’m explaining how our instructor can throw a crescent kick to the side of someone’s head and stop it a fraction of an inch from someone’s head and then slowly lower it back down. (i’m always scared and impressed when he does it to me.) then i started saying that as we learn control, we should be able to do the same thing with our punches. we should be developing the body control to be able to show power with our moves and yet be able to avoid injuring the other person. (yes, you upper belts are going to LOVE correcting me on this, but it’s how i understand it as of right now.)
my wife is politely standing and listening to all of this because she really has no interest in anything related to kenpo. since i can’t kick high enough (or with enough control) to stop a fraction from someone’s head i threw a punch. at my wife.
let me just interject that i have never and would never, ever hit my wife. i find violence against women both abhorrent and indefensible. i was in full “teaching” mode and just wasn’t thinking the whole thing through. now back to my story.
i snapped my arm out to full extension and my fist … stopped micro-clicks from her chin. she didn’t flinch because she’s thinking the whole time, “my husband loves me and would never hit me.” and i just wasn’t thinking. honestly. i was teaching and felt i had enough control to do that. and i did! but i’ll never do it again.
in hind sight, it was a very foolish and dangerous thing to do. i am learning control. and while i’ve noticed it in all of our KG sessions where we’re showing full power, but without crushing each other, this was my wife. even now i feel a huge weight of guilt for even putting her in that situation. what if i had been off? there wouldn’t have been enough apologies to save the day or my face.
so in the middle of a lesson, i learned a lesson. maybe when i’m a black belt (if i ever make it there) i might consider myself to have enough control, but then it would be to a student with a mouth guard and who is prepared, not to my wife.
i’m so thankful to God that He kept me from doing something so ridiculously stupid and kept me at just moderately stupid. talking to my beautiful mrs well after the fact she never even gave it a thought. she just assumed i had enough control to demonstrate the concept.
yeah, i’m still a “macaroni type” of martial artist. and fortunately for me i did have the control or my wife would make sure i’d be eating dinner through a straw for the next several months.
— chunky ninja